


Maybe Someday

by Winters_Daughter, zorides



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-05-20 06:13:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19371058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_Daughter/pseuds/Winters_Daughter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorides/pseuds/zorides
Summary: Steve wakes from his coma to find his team a mess, recked with guilt and trying to fix the mess they made with Clint.But first they have to find him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zorides](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorides/gifts).



> This is a rewrite of Zorides, maybe someday. This is the second part of the series so go read the first if you haven't already! 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943854

Steve opened his eyes slowly. Blinking away the fuzzy feeling and groaned. He looked around, confused. What's going on? The last thing he remembers was being in the jet. Fuck. He jerked himself into sitting position.

Hydra! They were on a mission. Some Hydra goon got a lucky shot. Took the jet down. Shit, where is everyone?

What if they got Bucky?

Steve pulled at the wires surrounding him, he needed to find out what happened. He needed to get to Bucky and a few wires and aches weren't gonna stop him.

Hands were holding him down. Telling him not to move. He was stronger than them, he could easily move them and find his team. Find Bucky.

"Sit your dumbass down Steve, I swear to God."

Sam?

He grabbed onto Sam's shirt.

"Sam? Sam, where's Bucky? The team. Was anyone hurt? What's going on?"

"Jesus Christ Steve, everyone's fine. Bucky's fine. You're the one who got hurt. Just sit down man. Please. Let the doctors look you over."

"I don't need a doctor Sam, I'm fine. All good. I need to see the team. To see Bucky. Make sure everything's okay." He went to get up again but Sam put his hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down.

"Steve. The team is fine. Bucky is fine. Hydra didn't get him or any…" Sam stopped, cutting himself off. "Bucky's fine. Just get some rest man."

"I don't need rest Sam. I need-"

"To rest! You were out for a long time Steve. Just...let the doctor check to make sure you won't suddenly fall back into a coma."

"Wait. I've been what? How long was I out?"

"Two months."

Steve stared at Sam in shock. Two months?

"How? The serum should have-"

"The serum is the only reason you're even alive Steve. That kind of injury would have killed a normal person."

Oh God, he almost died. He was in a coma for over a month. For two months. He took a deep breath to steady himself. He can't freak out. He's the leader of the Avengers, he needs to check on his team. Needs to actually see Bucky, to hold him. Barton too, he must be a wreck. He ignored Sams protest and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Where is everyone?"

"Um. Natasha just got back from a mission. Knowing Stark he's probably in his lab, probably with Bruce. Bucky could be anywhere from the vents to the roof," Sam took a deep breath, looking down for a brief second. "Want me to get everyone?"

"Yeah get-" Steve scrunched his face in confusion. "Wait. Where's Barton?"

"Oh. Um." Sam lowered his eyes. "Don't worry about that right now, let's get the team and-"

"Sam." Steve used his Captains voice. "You said the team was fine. That no one was hurt."

"Everything's fine, Steve." He looked around and grabbed a water bottle, holding it out for Steve. "Here, drink this. You should keep hydrated."

Steve grabbed the bottle and drank it. "Just tell me what happened Sam." If his expression was anything to go by then Steve could tell he wasn't going to enjoy this.

"Barton went on a mission with Barnes. Barnes came back." Sam briefly looked down, closed his eyes. Then looked Steve in the eyes. "Barton didn't."

"Barton's dead?" Steve was shocked. That couldn't be right. Clint Barton was like a cockroach, he just didn't die.

"Maybe not. Barnes said he activated some sort of portal. We got the machine. Tony's working with Richards, against his will apparently, and Bruce to figure it out. Nats talking to some people who still owe her some favors. I'm not sure what to do besides pray and wish for the best."

"What else aren't you telling me Sam." Steve squared his shoulders, giving him his best 'Captain- America- is- disappointed' glare. Sam was hiding something. He wasn't getting the full story.

"When you wouldn't wake up the team...well let's just say we didn't handle it so well. Since Barton ignored your orders, well, we blamed him. We uh… we didn't treat him so good."

Steve stared at Sam in shock. It didn't make sense. What he was hearing didn't make any sense. Everyone loved Clint. Bucky loved Clint. There's no way...there's no way. He leaned forward, head in hands. Clint, that poor bastard. Why didn't he just tell the team what happened? Why didn't he tell the team it was his fault. He made the mistake. Clint saved his life. He had to fix this. He needed to make this right.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Bucky Barnes was curled up on the roof, in the spot that he used to share with Clint. The paper Clint left him crumbled in his flesh hand.

"What have I done...Clint." He spoke in a broken whisper. Words left unheard by the one he needed. By the one he wronged. The whole team wronged.

Bucky wished Clint was here. They had so much to talk about, to clear up. But he wasn't. That goddamn Hydra machine took him. He could be dead or hurt or worse.

Bucky turned sharply, jumping up into a fighting position. He froze when he caught sight of who snuck up on him.

 

"Relax Buck, it's just me."

Bucky dropped the knife he was holding, ran towards the other man, crashing into him in a bone crushing hug. "Stevie. You're...you're-"

"Alive, yeah. We gotta talk Buck."

Bucky knew that voice. He reluctantly let go of Steve and took a few steps back. "You know. You know what the team...what I did."

"Sam told me. What happened Buck? Why would you...to Clint? I thought you liked him. You were gonna ask him out."

Bucky sat down heavily, leaning against the concrete barrier. He stared at the ground for a long time, closing his eyes. "God, Steve." He choked out. "I don't...I don't know what to do. What I did. He was suffering…and I just watched. I caused it."

Steve sat down next to Bucky, putting his arm around him. Not knowing how else to comfort his friend.

"You know how long it took me to work up the courage to even think about asking him out. I was gonna take him to that shitty bar in Brooklyn he loves. Talk about feelings." Bucky took a shaky breath in, trying to calm himself down. He let out a quiet, broken laugh. "But you fell. I watched you fall from that damn building and it was like dying. Seeing you with all those...those tubes and wires...not knowing if you would wake up or not...it felt like my soul got ripped from my body." He let out a sob. "Steve. Stevie."

Steve pulled Bucky into him, rocking him like a mother would her child. "Breath, Buck. Breath."

Bucky shook his head. "He fell, Steve. He fell too. Broke...broke just about every damn bone in his body. Arms, legs, ribs...and I didn't even care! I just yelled at him. Hurt him. He wouldn't wake up either, not for a few days and he needed surgery. I waited by his side for days. Thinking about what I would say, what I would do to him when he woke up.

"Bucky…"

"The first thing I said to him when he woke up was that… that I hated that he was alive and okay while you were practically on your deathbed." Bucky stopped, waiting for Steve to say something. Anything. When he kept quiet Bucky sniffed a few times, wiped his eyes. "He didn't hear me. Didn't have his hearing aids in. He just...he smiled. He was glad to see me. I hit him Steve. I just...seeing him so happy while you were...gone."

Steve shushed him. "We'll fix it Buck. You will fix it."

Bucky shook his head, staring at Steve in disbelief. "No, Stevie. I broke his damn nose. I've done worse. Steve. Steve, I broke him.

Steve signed, looking down. "We'll fix it." He looked at Bucky, giving him a small, sad smile and slowly got up offering Bucky his hand. "Come on Buck, it's cold out here. Let's go inside, maybe get something to eat. Feels like I haven't eaten in months."


	2. Chapter Two

"You know you're more than welcome to stay here Barton," Tony said, eyes not leaving the screen where he was checking and rechecking the machine that sent him here. "You always were the only one who could ever keep Barnes in check, well besides Steve. But...details"

 

Clint shook his head. This wasn't the first time Tony said something like this, he always found a way to bring this up. It was nice, at first. Now it just reminded those around him that he was leaving.    
  


"Shut the hell up, Stark." Bucky said. He was glaring  at the portal machine with a dark look in his eyes. If looks could kill that machine would be on fire. 

 

Clint knew he hated this. Bucky hasn't left his side since he got here. Sneaking glances, longing looks, the occasional touch. Lingering on hugs. He can't imagine how hard this is for Bucky, seeing someone who looked and acted just like his dead husband. To have the love of his life back and then losing him. Not even to something heroic or good, losing him because Clint wants to go back to the ones who hurt him. Who don't want him. 

 

Tony alerted the whole team when he found out about Clint last month. He didn't expect them to rush back to the tower, desperate to see him before he left. He didn't expect the hugs or nice words. It felt nice, to be wanted. He didn't realize how badly he missed his friends. His family. It made going back… going back to getting treated like shit or ignored or  _ hurt _ really hard. This team trying their hardest to convince him to stay isn't helping any. 

  
And he's thought about it. About how easy it would be to make a life here. A real life. Filled with family and love and laughter. Maybe he could get with Bucky here and help raise Alex, he's liked the Bucky from his world for a long time and he thought he liked him back but...the way that Bucky treats him. There's no way. 

 

But he can't stay. No ex best friend, Captain America or old Bird Brother or anyone else was going to change his mind. No matter how sorry he was. No matter how much he wished he could stay. No matter how much it destroyed him to go. To leave the people he already loved, who he knew loved him back  _ here.  _

 

But they weren't his team. He doesn't know these people. He doesn't have any history here. They don't know him, they know Clint Barton-Barnes. There's a small voice in the back of his head, the one that told him to leave the kitchen or range or gym as fast as he could, the one that told him to hide as a kid when his dad was drunk or angry. The voice that his Bucky used to tell him to ignore. That voice told him these people, the Avengers, were just using him to fill the hole their Clint left when he died. That they didn't really want  _ him _ . They wanted the idea of him. 

 

He was trying his best to tell that voice to fuck off but...it was hard. Besides, even if his team isn't perfect. Far from perfect. Abusive, even. They were still _his team_. And this...this wasn't his home. No matter how much that hurt.  
  
  
"Okay! This should be good." Tony said, attracting the attention of everyone in the room.

 

"How sure are we that this will even work?" Bucky said, looking between the machine and Clint. 

 

"I take offense to that. I am 100 percent certain this will work." 

 

"Tony."  Steve said and wow, did every Steve have a Captain's voice.

 

"Okay 95. Like 87," Tony shook his head side to side. "A solid 78." 

 

"Yeah, that's not helping. Let's just wait," Bucky said desperately, looking around. "What If the portal takes you to the wrong earth? Or drops you in space? Or or-" 

 

Steve grabbed Bucky by the shoulder, dragging him to the corner. Bucky kept his eyes clenched shut while Steve was talking to him or maybe he was yelling at him. 

 

"Okaaay. Barton," Tony said, effectively dragging attention away from the two super soldiers. "Whenever you're ready."    
  


Clint breathed in and looked at Natasha, who was sitting next to him on the couch, he wanted to say something to her but he couldn't even meet her eyes. 

 

"I guess this is it. Thank you, so much, for accepting me so… so easily. This last month has been...more than I could have hoped for. I will always remember this, you. Always. Bucky," Bucky and Steve looked over from where they were standing, eyes were filled with tears. "Thank you for letting me stay with you and Alex. You know, I've always wanted a family. Thought I had one too. I left a letter for Al upstairs, I didn't want him thinking I...I abandoned him. He's such a good kid Buck, you should be so proud. I wish I could be apart of his life-" 

 

"You can!" Bucky screamed out, tears streaming down his face. He moved close to Clint, trying to force words out. To say something, anything to make him stay, but all he could do was cry. He couldn't say a damn thing to make him stay. "Please...please..plea-"

 

Steve came over, pulling Bucky away. It was hard to watch. Bucky was struggling, trying to break free of Steve and go to Clint. Fighting to make him stay.

 

Clint wanted nothing more than to go over there. To hug him. To hold him. To be with the loving disaster that is James Bucannan Barnes. He wanted to tell them all he changed his mind. That he's going to stay here, in this world and grow old with Bucky and raise Alex and get into prank wars with Nat and Tony.   
  


But he can't. This isn't  _ his _ Bucky. Nl matter how badly he wishes he was. This isn't his family. He doesn't have a family. Not anymore. It wasn't fair, not for anyone. But he still needed to go back. Back to the closest place he has to home. 

 

Who knows, maybe he'll get a dog.

 

He closed his eyes. "Do it." 

 

He ignored the scream that tore it's way out of Bucky's throat. He ignored Steve talking to him, trying to calm him down and getting louder with each passing plea to stay, to not go. To not leave him. Not again. Please  _ please  _ not again.

 

He focused on the sound of Tony's voice. Counting down the seconds until he was home. Back with his unloving family. Back to being alone in…    
  
3… 

  
  


2… 

  
  


1… 

  
  


_ Nothing. _


	3. Chapter Three

Clint groaned as woke up. He could hear voices but they seemed distant. What the hell happened? He shook his head side to side. He looked to the side of him to see he was still in Tony's lab. 

 

The wrong Tony's lab. Dammit. Did the machine blow up? He slowly sat up, banging on his ears to try and fix his aids. If this Tony broke his Stark aids he was gonna kill him...after he forced him to make a new pair. 

 

Out of… vibranium… or something. 

 

He messed with the adjustment bar thing until he got the volume and sound input good. He could hear Bucky's voice, he sounded angry. Aw man, he really hopes this Bucky doesn't hate him now. He won't be able to handle that. He looked around, trying to find him. 

 

He has a concussion. 

 

He definitely has a concussion. Or a brain tumor. Because there is no way in hell this is real. This can't be real. 

 

Across the lab there are  _ two _ Bucky's screaming at each other. 

 

Actually, looking around, there's  _ two  _ of everyone. There's even two Steve's trying to calm the two Bucky's down. 

 

Wait, did he make it back to his world and just bring everyone in the room with him? He looked around the lab trying to figure it out. It looked like Tony's lab. But which Tony?

 

He groaned again, louder this time and sat down on the floor to glare at the ground. He knew by the sudden silence that everyone was looking at him. He probably looked like a pouting child. 

 

One of the Buckys rushed over and knelt down in front of him, his hand reaching for his face. Clint flinched away, thinking he was about to get slapped or punched, the hand and the body froze. 

 

Clint looked up, into the man's eyes. Bucky's eyes were full of hurt and self loathing. He moved his hand again, slowly. His gaze never leaving Clint as he softly touched his cheek, caressing him softly. 

 

The two Buckys looked exactly alike, right down to their murder glare. But Clint knew this was  _ his  _ Bucky. The same Bucky who hit too hard while sparring. The same Bucky who sought him out when he was angry and needed something to break. This was the Bucky who  _ broke him _ . 

 

And he was touching him. Gently. Clint wasn't hurting. It felt… nice. 

 

This felt...it felt…

 

"You're...you're alive," Bucky wrapped his arms around Clint, squeezing tightly. He either didn't notice or didn't care that Clint stayed limp in his arms, not returning the hug. "Thank God you're okay, thank fucking God."   
  
This felt wrong. He couldn't explain how or why but this all felt  _ wrong.  _ This Bucky made his life a living hell. Went out of his way to ensure Clint was miserable. That Clint knew he was worthless. Hell, Bucky told him he should be dead instead of Steve whenever he got the chance. This was. This wasn't. 

 

What the  _ hell _ is going on!?   
  
"I'm sorry. Clint...Clint I'm so sorry," Bucky pulled away, holding Clint at arms length and looked him in the eyes. "Please Clint, forgive me. I'm sorry."    
  
"You think that matters!" The other Bucky yelled, anger and hatred filling his words. "After everything you did! That his so called  _ family  _ did! You think a hug and an apology will make that go away? That the hurt and pain  _ you all _ caused him will just be erased?!" 

 

**(Original Bucky is James. Other world Bucky is Bucky)**

 

Bucky came over and ripped Clint away from James and shoving Clint behind him. Putting himself between Clint and James or, as Bucky sees it, Clint and someone who will hurt him. Who has hurt him countless times.   
  
Clint looked to the side, trying to find Tony. He's smart. He'll know what happened. Clint spotted him next to his Tony. Next to Stark. Glaring at him. He walked towards them. 

 

"Tony, Tony what the hell happened? You said the machine would work, that you-"

 

"I did! I fixed it. It worked. But this idiot," Tony guesterwd wildly at Stark. "Did the exact same thing. They were turned on at the same time, the energy from the portal canceled each other out and it all collapsed and sent us all back to my lab. Them included." 

 

"Well, you know what they say. Great minds and all that," Stark looked at Clint, offering him a small smile Clint couldn't return. "Glad you're alive, Barton." 

 

Tony, unlike the others, wasn't outright mean towards him. When Steve wouldn't wake up, Tony yelled and hit him but that was the only time it happened. He ignored him, after. He ignored everyone after. 

 

Everyone knew Steve and Tony had something, were closer than friends. Clint never blamed Tony for his anger towards him. He knew Steve not waking up opened up a whole new box of demons for him.    
  
Wait. Didn't he see two Steve's? 

 

Clint turned around again, feels like that's all he does now. He kept turning, eyes scanning the room. Please, please, please. 

 

There. In the corner. Two Steve's stood together, bickering quietly. 

 

"Steve," Clint stared at him, speechless. "You're...you're." 

 

Thank God. Clint thought...he was so sure Steve wasn't going to wake up. That he was dead. Clint was prepared to spend the rest of his life on the run, hiding from the Winter Soldier. 

 

Steve, his Steve, looked over at him. He gave Clint a sad look, filled with guilt. Aw no, Steve. Of course he blames himself. Clint looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. 

 

This is too much. This all too much. He needs to. To. 

 

He spun around, looking for the door or maybe a vent or something he can use to hide. 

 

Steve's awake. He's alive. Stark...Tony smiled at him, before, he could barely even be in the same room as him without shutting down. Bucky was  _ nice.  _ He touched him and  _ it didn't hurt.  _ He might actually have a chance to get with his Bucky now. Maybe, but there's so much history between them. Barely any of it good. Clint doesn't know if he can move past what happened. Just looking at Bucky makes him want to cower in fear and hide. 

 

Then there's this Bucky. This place he loves so much. He was so ready to leave. He was  _ ready.  _ Dammit, why did his team choose  _ now  _ to suddenly care about him! 

 

He needed to think. He can't breath. Fuck. Fuck. He needs to...he needs to leave. He can't handle this. Everyone is looking at him now, like he's about to break. 

 

Maybe they're right. He certainly feels like he's about to break.    
  
He slowly backed away. He needed to leave. He needed to leave now. He flinched violently when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over. 

 

Natasha.  _ His  _ Natasha. Breathing suddenly became even more difficult. This is his ex best friend. She hurt him just as bad as Bucky did. More, in some cases. Out of everyone, her betrayal hurt the worst. He looked to her for help and she…well, she didn't help him. Played him. Made Clint think she was on her side when really, she was leading him to Bucky and pain.

 

She smiled sadly, probably knowing exactly what he was thinking. She always knows what he's thinking. She tilted her head to the left, towards the door. 

 

"Go. Take some time to think. Come back when you're ready." 

 

He looked at her for a moment. He knew his fear was showing. He just didn't know if he could trust her or not. What if this was another play? Either way, he still needed to leave. 

 

He breaths out slowly, already heading to the door. He really hopes this wasn't a trick. 

 

Once he made it out of the lab and into the elevator he took a few minutes to just breath and gather his bearings. Leaning most of his weight on the wall.

 

Okay. Okay. Now he has to actually go somewhere. This world thinks he's dead, so he can't go anywhere where there's a lot of people. 

 

He should go back to Bucky's house, but it'll feel weird being there alone. 

 

He looked at his phone, checking the time. He knew where to go. 

 

He waited outside the school, away from other parents. He could see Alex walking down the school stairs, eyes searching for his dad. He spotted Clint pretty fast, no doubt thanks to Bucky and his lessons. 

 

"Daddy!" Alex screamed happily, running over as fast as his little legs could carry. He hugged Clints leg and giggled. "Hi." 

 

Clint looked down at his smiling face and, just for a second, everything was perfect.    
  
"Hey kiddo," Clint said, ruffling his hair. "Be careful not to draw any attention to us. Can I borrow your phone real quick?"

 

Alex nodded, pulling it out of his pocket and handed it to him. Clint quickly sent a message to Bucky.

 

_ 'Hey, I got Alex. We're headed home rn. Need some time to process everything.' _

 

' _ Take all the time you need. Tell Alex I love him and I'll see you both tomorrow...if you want. I'll keep you safe.' _

 

That last part made him smile. Of course Bucky would make sure Clint knew he could count on him.    
  
"Okay, let's head home." Clint handed the phone back and started walking away from the school and towards their house. "You will not believe how tired I am."

 

"Too tired to play, daddy?" Alex reached for his hand. 

 

Clint chuckled. "With you? Never." 

 

It was after he put Alex down for the night, exhausted from spending the day playing, and was getting ready to go to sleep himself that Clint realized he called this house home. 

 

Come to think of it, he's thought of this place as home for a long time. 

  
  


_ Shit. _


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, there's more than 4 chapters. 
> 
> Idk when the next one will be out, but I'd love to hear what you guys think

 

**Alternate Universe Bucky**

 

It's hard to explain. Well, not really.

 

Some say it's easy to fall in love, but hard to stay in love. I thought that was true, and it was.

 

Kinda.

 

The first part was anyway, falling in love is so easy. How can you not fall in love? And Clint? Man, falling in love with him was the easiest thing in the world.

 

His smile.

 

The way his eyes scrunched up when he was excited.

 

His attempts at being romantic.

 

Easiest thing in the world. Falling in love. Bucky tried not to. God, he tried. He was scared of hurting him. Scared something would trigger him and the Winter Soldier would come out. He fought tooth and nail to not fall in love.

 

Didn't work. He fell, and he fell _hard._ Harder than when he fell off that train.

 

Clint was the first person he felt anything for. And yeah, it scared him, but it also helped him remember Steve. Remember what a self sacrificing dumbass he was, still is, and how much he needed to be smacked upside the head and yelled at.

 

Bucky knew this wasn't his Clint. Never would be his Clint. He Clint was dead, dead and buried. Gone forever.

 

But it was hard. He didn't want this Clint to leave.

 

"I know this is hard, Buck. I know how much you cared for him. But," Steve signed. He knew he had to say this, no matter how hard it was or how much It physically hurts to say. "You can't be selfish here, he isn't yours to keep Bucky. If he really wants to go home, if it makes him happy, then you have to let him."

 

"His home? _This_ is his home Steve. _Here_ . Not, not with those assholes who treat him like shit. Like a murderer," Bucky got up and started pacing, pulling at his hair and breathing too fast. "It's not right! Steve, it's not _fair._ Why do they-"   
  
"Its Clints decision, Bucky. If he wants to go back, to try and fix his relationship with the others, you gotta let him. You know he won't forgive them easily. He knows what they did was bad, wasn't right. He'll be okay, Bucky."

 

Bucky stared at Steve, lost in thought. He wanted Clint to stay so badly. He knew it wouldn't be the same, that this wasn't his husband. His husband was gone, the father of his child was dead. Sacrificed his own life to save Buckys.

 

It still wasn't fair. None of this was fair. The others had their chance. The other Bucky had his chance. They blew it. Destroyed it. They don't get to come here and just fix it. They don't get to say sorry and some nice words and expect everything to just work out.

 

He felt raw, it was like some cruel God decided he hasn't paid enough for his time as the Winter Soldier and was dangling Clint, taunting him with the fact that his husband was dead and never coming back and now, after getting a second chance at love. He was being ripped away. To go back to a place where he wasn't loved.

 

He fell into a sitting position, distantly aware of Steve holding him. Wiping away tears. "It's not fair, Stevie," He pushed himself closer into Steve's chest, like he could take away the pain of losing the one you loved twice. "It's not fair."

  
  
  
______________________________________________________________   


  


**Bucky/James**

  


"He won't even look at me, Steve. Won't talk to me. He can't even be in the same room as me," James forced out. He hated this. Hated the idea of Clint staying here with these, these imposters. "How Can I fix this if I can't talk to him? I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I still want to apologize. To tell him that he isn't, that he's not-"

 

"You have to give him time to process this, Buck. He's broken. He needs to think. To heal. You can't force him, Bucky."

 

"What if he, what if," James took a shaky breath in. "What if he decides to stay here? I mean why wouldn't he? He's got a perfect Bucky, that won't hurt him. That hasn't hurt him. He has a team that actually cares. They love him, treat him right. Treat him like _we_ should've."

 

Steve breathed out, looking away from James. "Maybe this world is better for him. Certainly seems that way," Steve shook his head, grabbing James and bringing him to his chest. "But there's no history here, Bucky. It's not his world. There's nothing here. Either way, whether he stays here or comes back. We gotta respect his choice. We have to."

 

James curled his head into Steve's chest, sobbing. He doesn't want Clint to stay. He knows he fucked up. Fucked up bad, but he wants to fix this. He knows if Clint just gave him a chance, just a few minutes of his time, he could start to fix it.

 

He also knows how good this place is. How much Clint already loves it here, how badly he wants to stay.

 

He's not sure how long he stayed curled up with Steve before he stopped crying and became a sniffling mess.

 

He moved away from Steve and quickly whipped his eyes when he heard the door open. He didn't look to see who it was, he didn't care. It wasn't Clint, so it didn't matter.

 

He felt Steve get up and someone else sit next to him. He could tell from the breathing that it was Natasha. His Natasha.

 

They sat in silence for a while. He could tell she wanted to say something, wanted to talk.

 

"He was supposed to kill me, did you know that?"

 

James looked at her, he did know that. She knows he knows. She told her that when he first came to the tower, back when he was positive he wouldn't get Hydra out of his head. She helped him through that by telling him how she met Clint.

 

Clint also helped him recover from Hydra.

 

"Clint disobeyed a direct order. He sacrificed his life to talk to me, to save me," It took James a minute to realize she was crying. The Black Widow, one of the most deadly assassins in the world, was crying. "He risked everything on the off chance that I would listen. I could have killed him, easily, and he would have let me."

 

"His sense of self preservation is worse than Steve's," James let out a silent laugh. "The idiot. He used to goat me into a snipers competition when I couldn't sleep. When the memories got too bad. Could have easily killed him."

 

"He was my best friend, and I destroyed him."

 

"No, Nat. _We_ destroyed him."

 

She looked at him, eyes red and full of self loathing. She had tears streaming down her face. "I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know if we _can._ I want him to come home, but I don't think we're his home. Not anymore."

 

James looked away, fighting uselessly against tears. "And this place is? This is a fantasy. An easy way out. A way to run from his problems. He'll realize that, and then he'll come home."

 

"I don't know, Bucky. This place, it's the life he deserves to have. We had our chance, and we blew it."

 

"So we don't get a chance to fix it? To make things right? We can't give him up, not without a fight. He wanted to come home, he had Stark fix the portal so he could come home. Why would he do that if he didn't want to come back?"

 

"So he could say he tried. Bucky, I want him back. More than anything, I want to fix this." She moved closer to him, gently grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her. "If he chooses to stay, we have to accept that. Because _we_ broke him."

 

"If I could just talk to him-"

 

"James, we broke him. If this is what it takes for him to heal, then I'm all for it."

 

James didn't respond to that, he didn't know how. He fell forward on Natasha, distantly aware of the sound of someone crying. It took him awhile to realize it was him, he was crying.

 

He was going to lose what should have been the most important person in his life.

 

He had no one to blame but himself. It's all his fault.

  
______________________________________________________________

 

**Alternate Universe Bucky**

  
  


As he put Alex down to sleep and kissed him goodnight, Bucky was struck with the memory of bringing Alex home for the first time. He remembered how scared Clint was to hold him because Alex was so tiny. He remembered Clint waking him up too damn early because Alex smiled at him or crawled or made a sound. Their little bundle of joy.

 

Bucky remembered their wedding day, how nervous he was. He remembered sneaking into Clints room, which he wasn't supposed to do, just to see him. To make sure he was okay, and to calm himself down.

 

Bucky remembered their first date. Clint was so nervous, practically shaking out of his skin. He went all out trying to impress him when Bucky was just happy to be around him.

 

Bucky remembered the first time they met. Clint was acting like he usually did in the morning before he had coffee. He dragged himself into the kitchen, moaning about how early it was and how he needed coffee to live, he didn't notice Bucky and slammed right into him. He didn't even care, just sagged into him and whined until Bucky shoved his own coffee mug in his hand.

 

It was the first time someone acted normal around him.

 

When he first came to the tower no one wanted to be in the same room as him in case the Soldier came out. Even Steve was nervous around him.

 

It didn't really bother him, he didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't trust them. But Barton, he didn't even care. As long as he got his coffee he was fine.

  


At first, he hated it. Hated him. He was so stupid. He wasn't connected to the outside world. He made careless actions without thinking. He was a disaster. He was the kind of person that could be a risk to the team. To Steve.

 

He soon found out that Clint was only a risk to himself.

 

How one man could be so stupid, he would never know. One second he was on the roof, shooting doombots from a safe distance and the next he was jumping off said roof. He was always getting hurt. The stupid, self sacrificing idiot.

 

Reminded him of another self sacrificing blond.   
  
He used to be like that. Doing stupid things that annoyed Steve, but made the other Howlies laugh.

 

All of a sudden, he didn't hate Clint anymore.

 

Their first unofficial date was because of a mission. Their faces weren't as all known, so they were sent on an undercover job. Tony thought it would be funny to send them as a couple, it at least made Clint laugh. Bucky was thinking about the hundred ways he could kill Stark and get away with it.   


His mission was to have fun at some pompous place and keep an eye out for anything weird. He added 'make sure Barton doesn't die' to it.   


~

 

_He was sitting at the bar, making sure He had a clear view of the room and their target. He wasn't sure how many drinks he's had, but he didn't plan on stopping anytime soon. If he had to pretend to be with Barton, he needed alcohol._

 

_"Steve's gonna be mad when he finds you're drinking on the job, Barnes."_

 

_Barton took a seat next to him, stealing his whiskey. "Then it's a good thing Steve isn't going to find out."_   


_"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get yelled at by the boss?"_

 

_Bucky signed, this wasn't the first time he made that joke. It was beginning to be too much. He had to constantly remind himself that this wasn't real. He wasn't dating Clint. He's trying to ignore them, but it's getting hard._

 

_"Shut up, Barton."_

 

_Clint giggled. "But I'm needy. Be a good boyfriend and give me attention."_

 

_That's it. "I swear to fucking God Barton, say that one more time. We're on a mission, Barton. One that won't get done if you continue to dick around. Do your damn job, and leave me alone."_

 

_Clint was quiet for a few seconds, then. "Yeah, okay. My bad."_

 

_He wakes away._

 

~  


Bucky told Clint to leave him alone, and he did. Clint stopped talking to him. Even when they finished the mission, he wouldn't talk to him. Clint completely ignored him.

 

Bucky remembered how much he hated it, he tried not to let it get to him. But it did. Clint hated him, and it hurt. No one said anything about it, not even Steve.

 

He cornered him a few weeks later, demanding answers. He wanted to know why Clint suddenly hated him.

 

~

 

_"Clint, come on. Just talk to me. What the hell did I do?"_

 

_Clint stared at him, his blue eyes that were normally so bright were dimmed with sadness._

 

_"What did I do to you, Barton? Please, just tell me."_

 

_Clint looked down, eyes squeezed shut. "There's this guy. I've liked him for a while now. But, he made me realize something. Made me realize I can never have him, because for him what we have isn't real."_

 

_Bucky blinked, frozen. Clint like him. He liked him back. He surged forward, kissing Clint._

  
~

 

Bucky smiled to himself, savoring the memories of his husband. He never wanted to lose them. He never wants to let them go.   


It was so hard to let go. To let Clint go. He didn't think he could, but he did. Then he came back.

 

And he doesn't want to let this one go either, but he might have to.

 

There is a place for only one Clint Barton in his heart.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Hope you like it! :)
> 
> Uh, fair warning, I almost cried writing this

"Wake up, wake up!" A voice shouted. Clint felt something shaking him. "Clint, wake up!"

 

Clint opened one eye to stare at the creature that was bouncing beside him. Alex had a huge smile on his face, so filled with energy he was shaking. He let out another scream and jumped on Clint, his small legs landing a small kick to his kidney. 

 

Clint let out a small "oof" and a laugh. He wrapped his arms around Alex and turned them over, Alex gave a scream of pure joy as Clint rolled them back and forth over the bed. 

 

After a few seconds, Clint stopped rolling them around. Alex was underneath him, trying to escape. 

 

"This seems like a nice spot to rest." Clint made himself comfortable, making it so he wasn't crushing Alex but still had him trapped. 

 

"Not good place, no more sleeping" Alex said, dragging out the "ing" and giggling like mad. He was moving around and pushing at Clint, trying to escape. 

 

"Daddy! Daddy help" 

 

Clint gasped dramatically and blew raspberries on Alex's neck, making him shriek and giggle. "That's cheating."

 

Clint heard Bucky coming up the stairs, he gave Alex another raspberry and piled the blanket on top of him so there was just a lump of child on the bed. Clint rested his arm on top of said lump, ignoring the giggles and acting completely natural. Totally cool. Nothing to see here, just a man and a lump. Not a child in sight. 

 

Bucky came into view a few seconds later, pausing at the door. He looked back and forth between Clint and the lump that was his child. 

 

"That's weird. Coulda sworn that I heard someone call me." He quietly moved towards the lump. 

 

The lump was mumbling words and laughing, trying to move.

 

Clint looked at Bucky, who was steadily getting closer to them. "Don't know what you're talking about, Barnes. Must be hearing things in your old age."

 

"Must be." With that, Bucky jumped on both Clint and the lump causing them both to shriek. "Oh, this is nice." 

 

Alex somehow managed to poke his head out of the blankets, laughing. "Hi daddy!"

 

Bucky looked at Alex in mock shock. "When did you get here?" 

 

"Clint attacked me!" Alex exclaimed, throwing his newly freed hands into the air. 

 

Clint gasped dramatically, holding a hand to his chest. "I did no such thing. I was sleeping, peacefully when this  _ creature  _ showed up and attacked  _ me. _ I am the victim here!" 

 

Bucky looked at him, not impressed. "You mean the five year old, who weighs maybe 50 pounds soaking wet and barely stands above my knee. That kid?"

 

"Yes. The little monster." 

 

Bucky rolled his eyes, picking up Alex bridal style and claiming it was time for breakfast. "The little monster must be fed, or else he eats his humans." 

 

Clint chuckled to himself as he got dressed. Bucky called last night, asking if it was okay for him to be there and no matter how Clint felt, he wasn't about to keep Bucky away from his son. 

 

He knew he had to talk with Bucky. Both Buckys. He really didn't want to talk to his Bucky, he still harbors a lot of fear and anger towards him and the others. He should probably talk to Steve as well, maybe Natasha. 

 

Aw, man. He should probably talk to all of them. Might as well start with Bucky, since he was downstairs. Not in front of Alex though. Shit, he might have to talk to Alex. 

 

Clint rubbed his eyes and groaned. So much talking. So many feelings. When did everything get so complicated. 

 

_ Probably when I put Captain America in a coma.  _

 

Even if he is awake now. He wasn't then, and it was his fault. 

 

Clint heard laughter coming from downstairs. He should probably get down there. His stomach rumbled in support of that idea. When he got down there he stopped in front of the kitchen, looking at Bucky and Alex interact. It was, well, Clint didn't know the word for what it was. Adorable. Domestic. 

 

Perfect. 

 

Bucky was sliding some pancakes on Alex's plate, booping his nose. 

 

He wanted this. So badly. He wanted this with  _ his  _ Bucky. He knew, given enough time, he would forgive his team. He knew he would, there's no way he couldn't. It's half the reason why he's scared to go back. What if he forgives them and then does something to piss them off again. What if he goes back and finally gets into a relationship with Bucky, only for it to end up abusive because he does something stupid. 

 

What if it doesn't? What if he gets with Bucky and it's perfect? What if everything ends up fine? What if he goes back, and everything goes back to normal. He doesn't know which one scares him more. 

 

What if he stays here and makes a life with Bucky and Alex? He would love that. So much.

 

"You gonna just stand there and stare or join us?" Bucky sassed at him, raising a single eyebrow. "I know we're amazing but you actually have to eat." 

 

"Amazing, yeah." Clint smiled, probably looking like a love struck idiot. 

 

Bucky looked away, just for a second. Barely anything, but Clint noticed. "Come eat." 

 

Clint felt his stomach drop, did he do something wrong? Already? He took a small step back, head hanging low, smile stuck on his face. "Actually, think I'm gonna go for a run." He needed to think. He needed to rethink this entire situation. If Bucky didn't want him here, then what's the point in staying?

 

Bucky looked up quickly, rushing forward to grab his arm before he could leave. "Clint, I didn't. It's not what you think." 

 

Clint found himself unable to move. He knew his eyes were filling up with tears and he fought tooth and nail to keep them from spilling over. "No, no. I get it. I'm just, I'll get out of your hair." 

 

He could see Alex watching them, hiding behind the doorway that lead to the kitchen. 

 

"Clint, I just," Bucky looked behind him, at Alex. "Alex, go to your room. Now." 

 

Alex didn't move, looking between them with big sad eyes. After a few seconds he took off, feet pounding against the floor and his bedroom door slamming shut.

 

Bucky loosened his grip, but refused to meet Clints eyes. "We gotta talk." 

 

Clint shook his head, tears now falling freely. He knew what this was. This was Bucky telling him he couldn't stay anymore. That he had to leave. That he was too much trouble. That he wasn't enough. 

 

"I already know, Buck. It's fine. I understand," Clint wiped at his eyes, trying his hardest to stop crying. "I'll stay at the tower until Tony sends the others back, I'll just go with them. You don't have to worry. I'm sorry." 

 

Bucky pulled Clint into a bone crushing hug. "No, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me, and I know that's a cheesy break up line but it's true. I can't, you're not." Aw, fuck. Now Bucky was crying. He held Clint at arms length, moving one hand up to hold his head, forcing their eyes to meet. "When I look at you, all  I see is  _ him.  _ And I can't deal with that. I thought I could. Thought I got a second chance. But I feel like I'm replacing him with you. I feel like I'm ruining his memory, his legacy, everything he left behind. I feel like I'm destroying the love I held for him by being with you. I'm the one who should be sorry Clint. For giving you hope, then betraying it and you."

 

Clint looked away, letting out a sob. It broke Bucky to do this. To be the cause of Clints pain. It hurt him too, he wanted nothing more to scream 'sike' and hold onto him forever. To go back to breakfast. But he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. He knew now that Clint wouldn't be happy here, always getting compared to the old Clint. He would live in a shadow, forced to fill the shoes he'd never be able to fill. 

 

Clint brought his hand to Bucky's face, stroking his jaw. His face was scrunched up, filled with pain. His hand left Bucky's face and fell to the side, then Clint went limp. He fell fully into Bucky's embrace. Bucky fell with him, landing in a pile of limbs on the floor. He held onto Clint as tightly as he could. He doesn't know how long they stayed like that, broken and crying, it could have been hours or seconds, before they finally calmed down a little. 

 

"Is papa leaving again?" Came a small voice. Bucky looked over to see Alex, eyes red and dried tear tracks on his small face. 

 

He broke again. Fresh tears replacing the old. Alex didn't even know what was going on, he was too young to fully understand. To him, his papa came back after leaving years earlier, only to leave again. To Alex, he was being abandoned. Twice. He looked down at Clint, who's face was slowly filling with horror. He must have realized the same thing. 

 

"Oh, baby." Bucky spread his arm out, inviting Alex to join into their cry fest. Alex let out a small whimper and ran into his arms. Clint moved around so he could hug Alex. 

 

"Don't go, papa." Alex cried out, moving so he had a death grip on Clints shirt. "Please don't go." 

 

Clint slowly wrapped his arms around Alex, holding onto him tightly. He looked at Bucky, feeling lost. Neither of them knew what to do. There wasn't anything they could do. They couldn't tell Alex what he so desperately wanted to hear. His papa was leaving, and he wasn't coming back. 

 

Bucky signed, struggling to take Alex away from Clint. His screams of "No, no. Please no." Were getting harder and harder to ignore. He told Clint to go pack. He nodded, numb and went upstairs. 

 

Alex was getting louder, sobbing fully now. Snot and tears ran down his face and nothing Bucky did helped or slowed it down. He just rocked him slowly, singing the lullaby his papa used to sing to him when he couldn't sleep. The one he sang to him whenever he was sad. He didn't stop crying, but he wasn't sobbing anymore. He pushed close to his father, shoving his face in his daddy's neck. 

 

As soon as Clint came down, his single bag filled with his gear, bow, and new found valuables, Alex screamed. He rushed to Clint, wrapping his small arms around his leg. 

 

"Papa no. No, no, no." He whimpered out, his "no's" becoming louder and louder with each passing second. Clint hugged him tightly, crying silently. Breaking. For a split second, Alex thought his papa was going to stay. Was going to put his bag away and have breakfast. His picture was shattered when Clint stood up and Bucky tried to pull him away. Alex held on tightly, screaming nonsense. 

 

Bucky finally managed to get him to let go only for Alex to start screaming again, clawing and screaming at his daddy to let him go. He wanted his papa. He reached out for him, hoping he would take his hand and stay. 

 

Clint didn't know what to do, he didn't want to leave Alex like this. Sobbing and screaming for his papa to stay. He wanted to comfort him, to say something, anything, to help. But he couldn't, his throat was tight and scratchy, the only thing coming out was his silent cries. He numbly wiped his eyes dry and opened the front door, ignoring Alex's screams getting even louder, getting more desperate. He walked out and closed the front door, ignoring Alex's screams of "Come back" and "Don't go, papa. Please" 

 

He ignored the haunting screams of the child who wasn't his, but thought he was, as he made the long journey to the tower. 

 

He ignored the passing looks and stares and the occasional "You okay?" he got as he walked. 

 

He ignored his team, new and old, when he walked in the tower. Heading for the room he used before he went back to Buckys. 

 

He ignored it for as long as he could, until he caught sight of a drawing Alex made for him laying on the coffee table. 

 

He picked the drawing up, fingers tracing the stick figures of Bucky, Alex and himself. 

 

He couldn't ignore it anymore. 

 

His legs gave out and he fell to the floor, dropping the picture. He choked on a sob. They came one after another, tearing him apart from the inside out until he was nothing but a sobbing, broken mess. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
